


Her Answer

by Jaina



Category: Alias
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-10-11
Updated: 2004-10-11
Packaged: 2017-11-05 09:13:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/404721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaina/pseuds/Jaina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set post Unifying Force. Jaina is forced to confront the fact that something or someone is missing from her life. What will she do about it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_I will be the answer at the end of the line  
I will be there for you while you take the time  
In the burning of uncertainty I will be your solid ground  
I will hold the balance if you can't look down_

_If it takes my whole life I won't break I won't bend  
It's all worth it in the end  
'Cause I can only tell you what I know  
That I need you in my life_

Jaina Solo sat on the top of the new Jedi Temple. Her legs dangled freely off of the side as she gazed at the beautiful landscape around her and simply let her mind wander. It was something that she had started doing more and more often since the war had ended. During the war her mind and her thoughts had been disciplined and controlled by the its presence. Her thoughts had been forced into orderly and efficient ways of thinking, to keep her and the beings that were depending upon her alive. Now she accepted the lack of control and let her mind drift from thought to thought. It was almost like a sort of meditation for her and it certainly left her feeling more refreshed and clear headed than she had felt in some time.

Still there was something that nagged at her, lingering in her subconscious. It was always there to haunt her, never allowing her to be content, but it was always just out of her reach. That was why she had come here to Ossus and the new Jedi Temple- to seek the advice and help of her twin. Jacen was teaching a small course about the Yuuzhan Vong to some of the younger students. He was also using his free time to gather more information from the Temple archives before he set off throughout the galaxy once more on his journey for a better knowledge of the Force.

So far Jacen and their daily joint meditations hadn't helped her any. As hard as they meditated, as much as she concentrated, or let her thoughts drift, whatever was bothering her continued to elude her. Jaina let out a sigh and looked down. There were still a few older students lingering outside in the last rays of the fading daylight. Other students hurried into the Temple, either late for an evening class or for their nightly meal. She smiled almost wistfully at the memory of the years that she had spent as a student on Yavin 4. Then there had seemed to be only fun and adventure, not the horrors of war.

A small knot of young children- younglings- came tumbling out of the Temple. She watched them play for a moment, noticing how a few of the children were subconsciously using the Force to aid them in their game. They would grow into great Jedi someday.

She heard the quiet thud of footsteps approaching her, but she didn't look up. A moment later, Jacen had dropped down to a sitting position behind her. He draped a long arm casually over her shoulder and gave her a quick light hug.

"Hey, Sis." Jaina grinned. Jacen was in a rare playful mood, and at that moment, he seemed more like their father than their uncle.

"Jasa," she responded, teasing him with the childhood nickname. He flashed her a lopsided grin and then stared at her.

Finally Jaina's patience ran out. "What," she demanded abruptly.

Jacen ignored her question and stared at her with complete seriousness. "Why are you here, Jaina, really?" His question was blunt and it hung in the air between them, demanding an answer.

She stared at him in surprise for a moment and then rose sharply to her feet in one smooth motion. "If you don't want me here, Jacen, I'll leave," her voice was tight and controlled and her face was an emotionless mask.

"Sit down, Jaina," Jacen said quietly. "You know that's not what I meant."

She stared at him, but didn't move. Jacen reached up and caught her hand, tugging on it gently until she relented and sat down again. They sat in silence for a moment.

"I like having you here, Jaina," Jacen said softly. "You know that, but I think you need to consider why you're really here."

"What do you mean?" Jaina's voice was so soft that Jacen could barely here her.

"I talked to Kyp today," he admitted. "He was worried about you. He said that the Council had a mission ready for you, but that you turned it down, and requested leave to come here instead."

"So?" But her voice wasn't confrontational. Instead it was barely audible.

"That's not like you, Jaina. You don't refuse missions or request leave. You work until you can't and then you keep going until you end up in the med ward." He sighed, "I just want to know that you're okay, Jaina. I'm worried about you. I just want you to be happy doing what you want to do."

Jaina cocked her head, glancing over at him. "I don't know, Jasa. I don't know what I want. I thought that I wanted to be a part of the Council, but now...I go on missions for the Council. I act like a good Jedi. I meditate and negotiate. I carry secure messages to far outlying worlds and I hate it all. I hate all the lies that I have to tell just to get through one meeting and I hate the way the governments fight with their petty squabbles. None of them can see the bigger picture, Jacen. They don't care about the galaxy outside of their own little systems." She met his eyes, her voice wistful. "I would trade it all just for one moment in an X-wing."

Her last comment drew a small smile from Jacen and Jaina returned it with a very subdued smile of her own.

"It's okay," he said quietly. "At least it will be." He wrapped his arm around her shoulders again in a reassuring embrace. "I have plenty of experience in this searching for a path thing, so I can tell you how you're doing so far."

She grinned at that statement, some of her tension and frustration leaving her. "But I'm supposed to be the sensible twin."

Jacen laughed aloud. His sister hadn't used that tone of voice since she was eight years old and trying to get their parents to buy her a full size racing swoop. "Now you're just whining."

Jaina shot him a glare, and then conceded his point with a ghost of a smile. "Well then what do you suggest I do, oh wise brother?"

Jacen flashed her a smug Solo smirk. "I was hoping that you would ask that."

"Really," Jaina's light query held surprise. She hadn't really expected Jacen to have any blunt answers for her. He had always preferred asking the hard questions.

"Yeah. I think you should take a trip, now that you're at loose ends. Journeys are often the best way to find answers where you least expect them and it will give you a chance to fly again."

Jaina looked at him with a mixture of wariness and curiosity. She had a feeling that Jacen was proposing something specific with this, leading towards something that he thought would be important to her, but she couldn't see what he was suggesting.

"And where would I go," she asked, responding the way that she knew he wanted her to, anyway.

Jacen smiled. "You have over two months of leave accumulated, why not go somewhere you've never been before. I hear Csilla's pretty this time of year."


	2. Chapter 2

Jaina's hand rested on the hyperspace lever of her x-wing. She had reverted to real space in the farthest reaches of the Csillian system. It was by far the most conservative hyperspace jump that she had ever plotted. She was so far out that the Csillian fighter patrols wouldn't even spot her. That allowed her time to consider whether she truly wanted to go through with this or not. Jacen had been the one to suggest that she come here and she wondered idly if he had known about Jag's invitation.

After Jacen had made his suggestion, she had, of course, protested, giving him a half-dozen reasons why it wouldn't be a good idea just off of the top of her head. Her heart, however, hadn't truly been in her protests. She had known it and unfortunately, so had Jacen. Now she faced a decision- to stay and find Jag or to go back now.

Her hand lingered on the hyperspace lever and she called up the coordinates for the jump back to Ossus. She couldn't come here and face Jag like this. She had been the one to refuse him and push him away. The galaxy still wasn't a safe place for them or their future. She wouldn't make the same mistakes that her parents, her aunt and uncle and so many others had made. She would not put the safety of her galaxy before her family.

Jaina bit her lip, struggling to control the contradictory emotions within her. There was still so much that she needed to do before she could have her dreams. With an unsteady hand, Jaina grasped the control stick of her x-wing and pulled it around, circling her x-wing around in a gentle arc. As Csilla came into view for the second time, Jaina hesitated, decreasing her acceleration slightly. She grimaced and then unable to resist, closed her eyes and sent her mind out into the flow of the Force, searching for a luminous presence that she would know anywhere. She found him in an instant, and smiled brilliantly as his familiar Force presence washed over her. She savored the feeling that was uniquely Jag and smiled- her first true smile in days.

Almost without thinking, Jaina took her hand off of the hyperspace lever and throttled her acceleration forward. Jag wasn't a dream. Jag was here and he was real. She couldn't let him slip away from her while she was trying to work for a future that might never happen.

* * *

 

The Chiss Ground Control greeted her harshly, demanding to know how she had gotten there and why. Her answers had not proved to their liking, nor had the fact that she was flying a well-armed x-wing. For one very long hour, Jaina had been afraid that they would refuse to allow her to land. She had grown desperate enough to even consider using a mind trick on Control.

Before she had given in to that impulse, however, the Chiss Control had spoken again. She tried to cut into what he was saying, but he overrode her. "Negative, Unidentified X-Wing. Please state your name and the transponder code of your fighter."

Jaina almost growled at the man, but suppressed the desire. This was the first time he had done anything, but deny her permission to land. She activated the channel to the Chiss Control and replied more sharply than she had intended. "Chiss Control, my name is Jaina Solo, transponder code K-387-E-9228."

There was a long pause and Jaina began to grow impatient again.

Finally the controller responded, "Knight Solo, please follow the coordinates that you are being provided with directly down to your destination. Welcome to Csilla."

Jaina cut off the transmission with a flick of her gloved finger and her x-wing jumped forward to follow the given coordinates down to the planet's surface. For the first time in almost six months, Jaina was glad to have worked for the Jedi Council. That transponder would get her far, it seemed.

* * *

 

As the cockpit to Jaina's x-wing rose, she gently pulled off her helmet and let her single tight braid of hair fall back down over her shoulder. She stood up easily and dropped casually to the ground. She glanced slowly around the busy hanger, but seeing no one coming to approach her, turned back to her astromech unit.

"Lock the x-wing up," she said quickly. "Warn anyone who tries to come too close. If they keep coming, notify me immediately."

Quietly the astromech unit beeped his acknowledgement and Jaina turned away, heading quickly towards the hangar bay's closest exit.

She had almost reached the door and was just in the process of stripping off her second glove when she heard a voice call out sharply, "Colonel Solo!"

Jaina stopped abruptly and whirled to face whoever had called her name. She was surprised to see the Chiss woman coming towards her, but stopped nonetheless.

"Major Nuruodo, it's a pleasure to see you again."

The Csillian woman nodded in acknowledgement and bowed slightly in greeting as she stopped in front of Jaina. "It is quite a surprise to see you here, Colonel," she said bluntly. "I did not expect to see you in the Unknown Regions."

"Oh," was the only vaguely polite reply that Jaina could muster. She was so anxious now to see Jag. Restlessness filled her and she had to use Jedi calming techniques simply to keep herself from fidgeting.

A troubled expression flicked over Shawnkyr's usually unreadable face, "I…." she hesitated. "As I'm sure you remember, Colonel Solo, I have not always approved of your connection to Colonel Fel. I thought it best for him not to be associated with you or any of your actions. I was concerned that he would be…tainted by his connection to you. When he returned home six months ago, I was happy to see that his association with you had ended."

Each word seemed to drive into Jaina's heart. Her restlessness had disappeared in an instant and she stood in front of Shawnkyr, frozen by what the Csillian woman had said.

Shawnkyr took a deep breath, before she continued and raised her glowing red eyes to meet Jaina's.

"Jagged has changed, however, since he has come back-since he left you. He is still one of CEDF's best pilots. He leads an elite squadron and he has excelled in his new duties as the Chiss liaison. However," she said carefully, "Jagged is not happy or even content. I have known Jagged for many years, Colonel. I knew him even before Cherith died. He wasn't even so unhappy then. I'm telling you this, Colonel, because my opinion of you and your influence on Jagged has changed. He misses you, Colonel, and as his friend, I do not wish Jagged to be unhappy."

Shawnkyr hesitated for a moment and then held her hand out to Jaina. When Jaina extended her hand, the Chiss woman dropped a small datachip into her hand, gave Jaina a small half-bow and walked away, leaving Jaina standing there bewildered by the one-sided conversation that she had just had. She glanced down at the chip and frowned, pulling a data reader out of her pocket to examine its contents. A moment later she smiled. Shawnkyr had given her Jag's coordinates.


	3. Chapter 3

Jaina gently eased the snow speeder to a halt in front of the large sprawling residence. She got out of the speeder in the last of the fading light and tugged at her black flight suit futilely, trying to make it appear less wrinkled. With a strange mix of anticipation and absolute calm, Jaina walked up to the entrance to the large home and activated the button that would announce her presence. She shivered in the cold evening air, feeling the wind bite into her cheeks as she waited.

Several moments later, the door swung open. "Hello." The greeting was almost a question coming from the mouth of the young, blonde teenage girl who opened the door.

"Hello," Jaina responded almost automatically to the polite greeting. As the girl watched her expectantly, Jaina suddenly found it very hard to speak. She managed to ask, "Is Colonel Fel here?" She saw the girl take in her appearance- the black non-descript flight suit, the lightsaber dangling at her belt and the way that she was standing- her feet spread wide in a solid stance and her hands clasped behind her back.

Jaina saw the flicker of surprise and maybe recognition in the girl's eyes. "Come in please," the girl finally said. She stepped back quickly to let Jaina enter, a mixture of caution and bubbly excitement plainly visible in the way that she moved. "You're Jaina Solo, aren't you?"

But Jaina didn't hear her question. Instead she was focused on the man who had just entered the room. He stared at her blankly at first and then in disbelief. She stared at him across the room, taking in every detail of his appearance. He was wearing his full dress uniform, deep black accented only by the red piping of his uniform, the brilliant colors of his numerous medals and his rank insignia. His dark hair shown, cropped far shorter than she remembered, but the splash of white that arced back from the scar on his forehead still stood out distinctly, giving him an air of power and command.

In an instant, their gazes met across the room and Jaina took an involuntary step forwards, moving closer to him. "Hi," she said softly, not even noticing the older man and woman who had entered the room behind him.

"Jaina," he whispered. She was shocked to see the brilliant smile that flashed across his face. When he spoke again, however, his voice was curious but cautious. "Why are you here, Jaina?"

She took another step closer to him, hating the distance between them that was more than just the two meters that separated them. "I need to talk to you," she said quietly.

He nodded curtly in response and gestured with one hand for her to precede him into the next room. As he fell into step with her, Jaina felt his hand lightly rest on the small of her back as he guided her into the next room. She shivered at the sensation that even that light touch sent running down her spine as they stepped into the room. In the darkened room, they stood mere inches apart.

"Is everything okay," Jag asked softly, concern for her clearly evident in his voice.

Jaina nodded, suddenly feeling awkward standing there in front of him. She tilted her head up to look into his eyes. "I missed you," she said honestly. "I missed you so much."

He looked at her curiously, "You came all of the way to the Unknown Regions, just because you missed me?"

She nodded, "And because I realized that I'd made a mistake." She looked down, "I should have come with you when you left Zonama Sekot," she admitted. "But I didn't because I was afraid. I was afraid of what you wanting me to meet your family would mean for us and I was afraid of admitting how much I needed you to be a part of my life."

"Jaina," he cut in, but she held a finger to his lips, gently cutting him off.

"Jag," she said simply, "I love you and I don't want anything to come between us."

He reached a hand out, placing it gently on her hip and then pulled her closer to him. "I love you, too, Jaina Solo," he whispered as he leaned in to kiss her.

After the kiss had ended, they remained in their embrace, as close to one another as they could be. As Jag held her, Jaina looked up to meet his eyes. "I was so unhappy after you left," she confessed. "I missed you so badly, but I didn't even know what was missing in my life. I thought that there was so much that I needed to do before I could be with you, but I was wrong. If I live every moment trying to fight for the future and worried about what it might hold, I'll never live." Her smile grew sad, "I fought too hard, to not live my life." She pulled away from him slightly, and he could see the nervousness in her eyes. "Will you be a part of that life?"

"Always," he replied without hesitation. "I will never leave you, Jaina." The reminder of his promise to her was not lost on Jaina and she melted into his embrace without reservation. He was what she had been searching for, even when she didn't know that she was searching. Jag was her answer and she wouldn't try to deny it any longer.

**Author's Note:**

> The lyrics at the beginning are from the Sarah McLachlan song "Answer."


End file.
